Wonder Woman 3.23: The Phantom of the Roller Coaster, Part 1

Airdate: 9/4/79

Diana’s would-be sting of a dangerous wiretapper leads to a more lucrative prize: a man named Harrison Fynch, an evil tycoon bent on owning an amusement park, by any means necessary. Those means involve bugging, and the mysterious disappearance of a teenager on a field trip. But as it turns out, the boy has been abducted by someone else – would you believe a mysterious, disfigured man, the brother of the park owner? The “phantom” was wounded in Vietnam, and assumed to be dead. He feels he’s a liability to business in his current condition (outside of being a freak show attraction), so he has resigned himself to wandering corridors of the Super Loop alone. He seems innocuous enough; well, except for the kidnapping… and a bomb he’s taken from the bad guys. Part 1 ends as one of Fynch’s henchmen plows into the driver’s side of Diana’s car, presumably killing her, but I wouldn’t be so sure now.

First part of the two-part series conclusion starts incomprehensibly, and doesn’t get much better. Frequent WW scribe Anne Collins once again overwrites the plot, and so we alternate between confusing and laughably ridiculous, particularly once we get into the stuff about the “phantom.” They must have asked her to concoct a byzantine, spy-novel of a storyline – but throw in a roller coaster for the kids! Probably why I was more of a Hulk fan; more human-based stories, fewer megalomaniacs and their not-so-simple plans to take over.

Cheers 5:5: “House of Horrors with Formal Dining and Used Brick”

Airdate: 10/30/86

Carla wants to move her family into a bigger house, but her price range is a bit on the low side. Cliff recommends a place that looks great… and happens to be affordable, so she goes ahead and buys it. Unfortunately, there’s a reason for its markdown: it was built on a 17^th century prison, home to many a feckless sort, and now no one wants to tell Carla for fear of, well, everything. She takes the news well, at least on the outside, but secretly she’s a nervous wreck, and believes that the only way to dispel the evil spirits from her would-be abode is to spend the night there. Cliff and Norm arrive to help her, but after Norm ditches, Cliff is left, and the two strike up an unlikely union in their fight against the spooks. The next morning all is well – until a bright light and ferocious rumbling. It turns out the house is cheap because it’s next to an airport runway, not because it’s haunted, and Carla is over the moon with joy.

Halloween-themed issue takes a break from the Sam/Diane story long enough to explore the interesting dynamic between Carla and Cliff. Underneath her rough exterior is a – well, a rough interior, but it also has a few soft spots if you look for them (it appears dancing is her weakness). Funniest scene: Norm leaves with a beer, but when Cliff reminds him he’s driving, he returns the beer. Then, thinking again, takes the beer and leaves the keys!

Cold open: The guys discuss the Loch Ness Monster; Frasier decries the notion of capturing it and parading it in a museum. “How would you like it?” he asks, but Woody thinks he’s really asking him to go see it, and makes plans for a road trip.

Norm’s opener: Woody: “What’s shakin’, Mr. P.?” Norm: “What’s not?”

Wonder Woman 3.22: The Man Who Could Not Die

Airdate: 8/28/79

A newly relocated-to-L.A. Diana Prince now has a new IADC boss, Dale Hawthorn, a new apartment and a new set of troubles. It all starts when a chimpanzee gets hit by car, thrown 50 feet after impact, and not only lives but shows nary a scratch or bruise. And after a mysterious lab explosion she discovers a man with exactly the same powers – Bret Cassiday is invincible, impervious to pain, immortal, and needs no food or water… and hates every minute of it. He had taken part in an experiment by a man bent on creating an army of superhumans, with a formula stolen from an esteemed scientist, and now he’s between a rock and a hard place as he can’t reverse the effects without going along with the madman’s dastardly plan. Diana/WW helps him out a bit, and the two automatons chase down the baddies, but in the aftermath, all the scientist’s notes were burned, and now that he’s a fugitive, Dale can’t return to normal without finding. As a consolation, Diana hires him to work for the IADC.

So I’ll have to check with the IMDB/Wikipedia after this, but for whateverreason, they totally revamped the format of the show. For one thing, Lyle Waggoner’s gone – he’s missing from the opening credits – and now Diana’s an L.A. girl with a crusty assignment manager who reminds me of a portly Joe Atkinson, who left after the beginning of last season. No IRAC, no Rover, all gone. Instead, we have a wiseacre black boy as a gouging salesman who hangs around the office: a blatant ripoff of Gary Coleman from the then-hot Diff’rent Strokes. And the apparent installation of a superhero working alongside Diana seems a bit derivative of The Six Million Dollar Man, especially now that WW of of late is acting a heck of a lot like The Bionic Woman.

Theories: this may be after learning they were cancelled, so it could all be a last ditch effort to create ratings fireworks in hope of renewal. Or this could be the fourth season, and they were canceled after three episodes. Or perhaps they just figured they blow the remainder of the budget on an extravaganza of stuntwork, explosions and special effects (although the chimp getting thrown in the air couldn’t look any more fake – it literally looks like a plush animal). Or maybe a combination of all or some of the above. In any case, this is the last single episode of the series. I’ll check back with more info.

Exposition of new setting is an endless series of panoramic shots of L.A. They could’ve cashed a check from the Chamber of Commerce.

Update: According to Wikipedia (with no citation listed, so we’ll just have to trust them), this episode was the last to be produced, anticipating a fourth season. When that didn’t happen, it was aired penultimately, with the “Roller Coaster” two-parter airing last. All of this was broadcast in late-Aug, early Sept., so it must have been a real tease for fans expecting a fourth season!

Cheers 5:4: “Abnormal Psychology”

Airdate: 10/16/86

Frasier has a good reason for everyone at Cheers to miss 30 minutes worth of football time: he’s slated to be on a local “Point-Counterpoint”-type psychology show, with his opponent none other than Lilith Sternun, a female colleague with whom he had a disastrous date a year earlier. He’s furious, probably because, as noticed by Diane, he may be head over heels in love with her, particularly when she lets her hair down, which is exactly how she arrives to debate. The objective discourse on phobia treatment quickly devolves into a none-too-subtle demonstration of mutual sexual attraction, all before a slightly bit confused moderator, and a gleeful bar crowd with a newfound appreciation for psychology. Ashamed, Frasier and Lilith meet again at the bar, stoically agreeing to forget everything for the sake of their careers, but Diane “needs” Lilith’s hairpin, and it’s all over for the buttoned-up shrinks.

Triumphant return of Bebe Neuworth as Lilith establishes her romance now with the jilted Frasier Crane, so now we won’t have his ruing over Diane anymore. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I love it when Cheers deals with psychology, and this one mines it for all its hearty comic value. Neuworth skillfully shuttles from clinical doublespeak to vulnerable insecurity– just the same type of bipolar neurosis that has kept the Sam/Diane dynamic alive so long. And speaking of – Diane continues her torch-carrrying for Sam, although truth be told, it’s getting a little pathetic.

Cold open: Cliff and Norm plan a gladiator film festival.

Wonder Woman 3.21: The Boy Who Knew Her Secret, Part 2

Airdate: 5/29/79

WW goes after one of the alien-abductees, and discovers the situation: they’re inhabiting human bodies in order to defeat a more sinister alien force – a foe who can morph into any living creature, mostly choosing the form of Jaffe’s assistant, Cameron. The pyramids, when all 99 are assembled, will form the prison that can hold this enemy, but Skip has the last one, and he’s keeping it, still thinking the mind-snatchers the real bad guys.

Now things get a little twisty. The bad alien, as Cameron, drugs Diana introforgetting about her assignment and the fact that she’s Wonder Woman (the latter being necessary so the alien can become the superhero). Skip, still thinking Diana and her alter-ego are one and the same, is now totally confused when he sees the alien as WW next to a memory-less Diana. His only recourse, he believes, is to let the aliens inhabit him and get it overwith, but Jaffe steps in to do it instead. With the 99 puzzle piece in place, and Diana jogging her memory back to normalcy, all that’s left is to send the extraterrestrial to jail, and that calls for WW to fight him, as he takes the form of a maniacal caveman. After the fisticuffs are over and everyone’s mind is their own, WW uses her lasso to make Skip forget knowledge of her secret… but she forgot that the aspiring writer tape records everything, and still has a record of this piece of info.

Whew! Involving conclusion does resolve everything but might be a bit overwritten for its own good. Quite frankly, the “knowing her secret” plot thread might even be unnecessary: there’s so much else going on. Wild WW vs. “beast man” slugfest at the end is perfectly crazy – doubtful anyone could have seen that one coming! Nice twist ending caps off a swell time with the satin-tight clad dynamo.

This aired one day after Part 1, which aired after a two month break, as CBS had to “dump” the series.