Charlie’s Angels 2:7 “Unidentified Flying Angels”

Airdate: 11/2/77 

In a weird, far-out opening, elderly Charlotte Sheridan gets a case of the jitters after witnessing, in mixed company, what appears to be a UFO; she is promptly removed as a result of her hysteria. Niece Joyce enlists the Angels’ help to investigate her disappearance, and they start with Charlotte’s secretary, Seth, whom Sabrina and Bosley intimidate into confessing that Charlotte wanted to “go to another planet.” Their trail leads to an organization known as the Celestial Research Foundation; Kris and Bosley meet its head, a bogus scientist known as Dr. Perine, as well as his accomplice, a retired astronaut named Britten, and join the group, for the not-so-reasonable initiation fee of $7,500.

They attend a meeting, where Perine announces the presence of aliens and their space vehicles among us (after ejecting Sabrina, under cover as an obnoxious PI). Kelly’s been busy too: dressed as an alien, she gets a nerdy club member to fess up that Charlotte was abducted (and ultimately murdered) over her research on Venus, which belied what Perine’s been spouting, and she also dates Brittin long enough for him to admit being a front for the fraudulent CRF. In the end, the Angels survive a car chase and a would-be plane ejection to turn the CRF over to the cops.

U.F.O.’s were huge in 1977, the year of Star Wars and Close Encounters in the movies, and Project U.F.O. on TV. So natch Charlie’s Angels, never afraid to exploit a trend, would jump on the alien bandwagon. But the question persists: is it really about extraterrestrial visits? Barely – it’s all just a front for con operation, although we do get a halfway decent shot of a (fake) flying saucer. And even better: Jaclyn Smith in a silver, space-girl outfit, replete with short skirt and knee-high boots. (Anne Francis just called and wants it back.)

The plot is fairly easy to figure, although the outcome of the disappearance in question turns out to be a cold-blooded murder, and it’s handled somewhat casually, particularly in the debrief scene (wouldn’t the niece be a little distraught?). Ad the lynchpin of it all, having to do with Charlotte’s incriminating knowledge of Venusian temps, reminded me more than a little of an Encyclopedia Brown villain’s fatal flaw.

Oh, well. Not terrible, but spectacularly ho-hum. Too bad, given its galaxial potential.

Client: Joyce (niece of Charlotte Sheridan)

Plot difficulty level: 5

Rating:  **1/2

Charlie’s Angels 2:6 “Angel in Love”

Airdate: 10/26/77

Frank Slater, who had evidently double-crossed a partner in crime, is murdered as payback. His aunt, Hildy, hires the Angels to get some answers; they promptly go undercover at her place of business, an adult “spa” named Utopia West, specializing in fun, relaxation and human potential, if you know what I mean. With Kris as yoga instructor and Kelly as driver the Angels are all ready to… get attacked? That’s what a lecherous thug named Lon has on his mind; only Sabrina gets the better part of the deal when she, as a reporter, seems to be falling in love with one of the guests, Doug O’Neal, prodded along by one of the spa’s “touch” exercises. (Where the hell can I sign up for that?)

The wine gets poured, the fire crackles, the brooks babble and the focus softens – O’Neal’s a horseback-riding, skiing, free spirit, Vietnam veteran but sensitive to no end. Sabrina’s officially head over… wait! Isn’t that O’Neal in a photo with Frank from Vietnam? And why does O’Neil look just like the notorious “B.J. Smith,” who robbed a plane and parachuted into anonymity? Yeah, it looks like O’Neal’s the infamous skyjacker, but not the murderer; that honor hoes to the feckless Lom. Still, Bree has to turn in her would-be lover – the price ya pay for playing by the rules.So-so mystery, once again involving an Angel in a

would-be serious relationship, only to have it shatter when the dude turns out to be a total louse. Here’s an idea: have the guy be innocent for a change, forcing the affected Angel to make a decision: leave the man or the agency. Perhaps that’s what I long for on this show – realistic character development, in which the emotionally-driven constraints of real life could bring the cheesecake chases and gunplay down to earth, at least for a while. This is what separates the good shows from the great shows, although, given Angels’ five-season run, maybe they gave their target audience exactly what they wanted.

In any case, why does Sabrina get all the love stories? It seems as though she’s now pigeonholed as the “smart” one, with Kris and Kelly getting the sexy jobs (they both sport the spa’s uber-tight T-shirts for the duration). Not that I’m complaining, mind you, but the show does seem to be settling down into rigid formula, a far cry from the way it was this time last season.

No real guest stars to speak of, but the setting feels reminiscent of the resort in ep. 1:6, the plot a retread of at least a few Angel-heartbreak shows. All told, an underlying sense of déjà-vu keeps this in the “average” category, though I did like the oblique reference to D.B. Cooper’s famed skyjacking, something 70s audiences would have gotten immediately.

Client: Hildy Slater

Plot difficulty level: 5

                                 Rating:  **

Charlie’s Angels 2:5 “Circus of Terror”

Airdate: 10/19/77

The Barzak Circus is in trouble! A hapless trapeze artist rendered earthbound by a wire-piercing bullet is only the latest in a series of dastardly acts, and so David Barzak, son of the circus owner, enlists the Angels to get to the bottom of the big top. Sabrina, who immediately takes a liking to David, and vice-versa, takes the cover of a mime clown (under the tutelage of a sinister fencer named Anton Tarloff), Kelly pretends to be a motorcycle stuntwoman and Kris attempts to be a showgirl, but the elder Barzak sees her better in the role of knife-thrower Helmut’s assistant. 
 

Predictably, accidents will happen: Kelly wipes out when her ramp collapses, Sabrina finds a pretty ornery snake in her bed, and someone tries to burn down Kris and Kelly’s tent. Clearly someone’s trying to put the Barzak circus out of business, and, after the Angels are endangered by the thugs one more time, it’s clear who their employer is: Tarloff, whose niece had been killed in their own circus, leading him to conclude, erroneously, that rival Barzak was behind it.

Not bad, early-season outing makes the most of its

fun setting, with a mystery that rides the balance of challenging but not too difficult to follow or guess the outcome of. A great supporting cast of weirdoes helps, too, including the king of weirdoes – character actor Chares Tyner (you’ve seen him) as Tarloff. 

Also don’t miss little person Patty Maloney, best known to fans of this blog as the corporeal

Twikki, as sideshow star and would-be love-interest for Bosley, and Marvin Kaplan as Zobar, a disembodied head. Kaplan of course is best remembered as Henry, the telephone lineman on Alice; a practical live-in patron, he’s probably that show’s version of Norm from Cheers!

On this episode, we learn from a brief line that Bosley is “not recently” married. Like Sabrina, he is apparently divorced, although the show makes little mention of either situation.

Look fast to see Helmut pour himself a snort of Jägermeister, years before it ever became popular here in America!

No debriefing scene in Charlie’s office; instead the epilogue is the Angels dining with the circus members.

Fun romp in a fresh setting, and we finally get to see Kris’ knife-throwing opeining credit shot in context.

Client: David Barzak

Plot difficulty level: 6  (Bosley’s midshow briefing is as thick as it gets)

                              Rating:  ***

Charlie’s Angels 2:4 “Angel Flight”

Airdate: 10/5/77

Angela, the head of a stewardess training program, keeps finding black roses, the traditional symbol of death, wherever she goes, and so she hires the Angels to get to the bottom (her agency choice partly due to having Sabrina as a college roommate). Possible suspects include at least one jilted boyfriend, one would-be boyfriend, and a weird window-washer named Eddie, but things turn ugly when she receives threatening phone calls, and even witnesses the death of a fellow stewardess at a parking garage. It all starts to make sense when the mysterious caller gives explicit instructions, via tape recorder, to Angela on how to sedate the pilot of an upcoming test flight. Things don’t quite go according to plan when she accidentally shoots the other pilot (who’s also in on the plot), while a second thug gets taken down by the Angels. Their plot, apparently to hijack the plane to Peru and sell it for parts(?). is thwarted, though our sheroes still have to land the plane themselves, which (spoiler alert!) they do. 

Genuinely strange episode starts off confusingly, and by the time things are cleared up it’s ridiculously farfetched. Tons of plot holes and unanswered questions, including: Why doesn’t Angela just tell the Angels what she’s about to do, as she’s not being extorted or evidently brainwashed (or maybe she is; the script isn’t clear). Why do the baddies even need her, as Glover (the caller and in-on-the-scheme pilot) seems to be doing everything himself (and no, I’m not buying the debrief explanation that he can play the victimized pilot as a cover and live free the rest of his life)? And what of the scheme – stealing the plane, not for any kind of smuggled or stolen cargo but for its equipment? Huh? What the hell kind of windfall will that yield? 

It really boils down to the fact that airline stewardesses were quite popular on TV during this era – CBS was about to have a show about that very topic called Flying High – as was airline suspense, thanks to the Airport movies (The Incredible Hulk would air a similarly-plotted episode. “747,” the following Spring). Granted, the Angels, and fellow stewardesses. do look good I their uniforms, but in between all the eye candy we oughta have a credible storyline.

But credible storylines seem to be the main casualty of the show so far this season, and it doesn’t help that, thanks to Airplane!, it’s nearly impossible to watch any 70s show or movie about a civilian trying to land a jet while maintaining a straight face. Alright, I’ll try to find something positive: Fawne Harriman, as Angela, was pretty good, playing the part with quirky insecurity and an empathy-electing helplessness over being caught between a rock and a hard place (although it still fees like contrived situation).

There, one good thing, but overall a pretty stinko entry.

Client: Angela

Plot difficulty level: 6 (but typically info-heavy at the beginning and end) 

Rating:  **

Charlie’s Angels 2:3 “Pretty Angels All in a Row”

Airdate: 9/28/77 

A mysterious intruder plants a tarantula in the hotel room of one of the “Miss Chrysanthemum” beauty pageant contestants, who reacts with a scream that could wake the dead. The Iowan pageant’s organizer, Ben Prawl, is now losing spooked girls right and left, so he enlists Charlie’s services, with Kris and Kelly losing a coin toss to go undercover as contestants (gee, what are the chances?), while Sabrina and Bosley use documentary filmmakers as their cover.

It’s not long before we meet the ostensible culprits: a couple of sinister Southern boys, who proceed to use Kris for target practice, drop a 40-lb. sandbag during a dance rehearsal, accost and kidnap one of the judges, and bribe and blackmail the replacement judge. The thugs turn out to be working for a Texas tycoon, whose daughter absolutely has to win the pageant at all costs (mainly so she can be used as the company’s sexy spokesperson), All seems to go according to plan until the thugs, relieved of their dastardly duties when their boss disapproves of the kidnapping, figures to take their own ransom for the job, and abducts Sabrina for some extra loot on the side. But thanks to a clever code phrase (“Beau Geste”), the Angels thwart the plot, albeit more than a bit disappointed for not even making the finals!

Less plot, more T&A seems to be the order of the season thus far, and certainly for this episode, where you see more skin than you did in any handful of last year’s shows. Certainly not complaining, mind you, but I’m struck by the fact that this season you have no real mysteries; in “Pretty Angels,” you know who the dastardly evil-doers are by the second reel, and all that’s left to be revealed is their motive. Once that’s found out by the 2/3^rd mark, we sort of get a tack-on subplot, the sole purpose of which is to set up a physical encounter during which they can be apprehended. Agatha Christie it sure ain’t.

But maybe I’m quibbling. The episode is still engaging, and it is a heck of a lot of fun to see the Angels at a beauty pageant. Cheryl Ladd as Kris gets to show off her magic skills (and they’re definitely not bad), while Jaclyn does a supremely sexy routine in a skintight black leotard. They’re so good that it’s hard to believe they don’t win, let alone place, but it’s all explained in the end: Charlie reveals that their covers were blown before the final decision, effectively disqualifying them from the competition. Whew, all egos remain unbruised!

Red herring alert: Cutthroat competitor Grace Cooley is not the real antagonist (that would be Miss Texas, whose dad is playing foul to ensure her victory). But she’s still a nasty b**ch, and well played by 70’s TV star Bobbie Mitchell (a semi-regular on the early days of M*A*S*H). I wouldn’t have minded seeing more of her, perhaps less of the kidnapping story.

Another character actor alert: Burton Gilliam as one of the thugs, who specializes in playing “Yee-haw” good-ol’ boys. You definitely know him, if for nothing else than as the racist cowboy in Blazing Saddles. And don’t forget extremely prolific TV star of the 50s and 60s Patricia Barry. She plays Millicent, the kidnapped judge, with plenty of spunk and verve.

A lightweight but spicy entry, with fresh-faced Ladd settling nicely in.

Client: Ben Prawl

Plot difficulty level: Around a 4. 

Rating:  ***

Charlie’s Angels 2:1 “Angels on Ice” (Parts I and II)

Airdate: 9/21/77

The Angels get comp tickets to an ice show, but their suspicions that it’s not entirely a leisure event are justified when the show’s owner, Max, request the girls for a job. He’s got problems: his office broken into, and his two lead skaters, Jack and Helene, gone, but we know better. A slow-witted, unctuous trainer named Billy, with a case of the incredible hots for Miss H, had a hit put on Jack, but the plot backfired when the thugs took them both (suspiciously paying Billy for the dirty deed). So the Angels of course do what they do best – go undercover at the rink to get to the bottom of the ill-timed disappearing act.

Kris hangs around Jack’s cuckolded wife, Shirley, while Sabrina impersonates a conglomerate rep to get the skinny on Billy. But to really get in on things, Kris and Kelly audition to be skaters for the show, actually succeeding too (with a little director schmoozing). But Jack and Helene’s kidnappers turn out to be more nefarious than first imagined, now enlisting the cold-blooded services of assassins in the form of a expert Russian skating couple named Olga and Luisi. Oh, and did I also mention that they abduct prop master Iggy (Jim Backus) and replace him with a sinister thug named Durgas who replaces the fake guns with realies? 

Part II: Plying a parking lot drunk with wine, Sabrina figures out that the abductors are most likely foreign agents, while Kelly notices the skating wunderkinds’ very first “goof” - pointing their rifles directly at very specific spectator seats. Kris gets the thankless task of accepting Billy’s dinner invitation to learn more about the nameless kidnappers who abducted Helene. But when Kelly trails the baddies’ to a Middle Eastern restaurant, and finds herself their latest abductee when she impersonates a belly dancer, she pretty much cracks the code: our evildoers are oil-thirsty, underground Arabs sheiks with fellow sheiks, as diplomats, in their sights – literally. It takes some quick thinking by Kris, as a clown, to stymie the whole plot, and make it al look like it’s part of the show.

You know your show’s a hit when you get to start your second season with two back-to-back, double-length episodes. (Angels closed its first season at #5, and was rewarded with an hour-earlier timeslot at 9:00, still outside the almighty “family hour.”) They sure had the budget for it, and were clearly eager to spend it on glitz and spectacle, given the topic matter of this installment. Say what you want, but it is remarkable how they were able to take two then-topical topics -  ice shows and the Arab oil embargo - and somehow fit them together on the same show.

And yet, there’s a lot of sturm und drang here for

what turns out to be a pretty silly premise. Ok, sure we’ll give them an Ice Capades show, but the evil Arabs’ plot to infiltrate the show with two star skaters who plan to blow away an entire seating section is about as loony as you can get. (I’m guessing the writers had just seen that year’s Black Sunday, as the two schemes are pretty similar.) Charlie’s Angels was never exactly Mission: Impossible but it always stayed well with the realm of credibility. This time, it’s impossible for one not to count up the number of times the Arabs’ plot would’ve completely fallen apart in the real world, starting with the McGuffin event of the owner actually having a spectator’s seating chart stolen from his office. How would he know? Why would he care to have a chart drawn up? Because of the Arab bigwigs being there? Wouldn’t its theft, then, be a red flag? And why does nobody, except Kelly (who catches on far too late), figure out that this flood of strangers into the cast, with thick Eastern-European acents, is probably a cause for concern, particularly given the unexplained disappearance of the two star skaters?

Ah, well, if it’s complete cheese, so be it, but it does afford us the opportunity to watch some legendary comedy veterans in supporting roles, starting with Phil Silvers as the owner of the show, frazzled to the hilt by the notion of his production falling apart at the seams. And boy does he play frazzled great, abetted with some clever lines that he delivers like a pro. And then there’s Jim Backus as the Gepetto-like propmaster, who doesn’t even have to act  - he just steals scenes with that trademark voice. Rounding out the pantheon is iconic character actor Edward Andrews, playing a parking lot drunk who helps the Angels with his unwitting recognizance. Younger folks probably know him best as the grandfather in Sixteen Candles.

And lets not forget James Gammon as the mentally-challenged Billy, whose performance starts off feeling a bit stereotypical but actually turns out to be quite affecting. His scene with Kris, in which he breaks down in tears over the loss of his beloved Helena, along with the guilt he suffers over having caused it, is particularly emotional, and while we’re at it, Cheryl Ladd is fitting in quite nicely in her role too. 

No, it definitely won’t go down as the most politically-correct moment on television, what with its cartoony depiction of Arabs (Charlie even uses the then-accepted mispronunciation of “sheik”). But, as I mentioned, it was timely.

Jaclyn Smith fan alert. She was a great belly-dancing scene about halfway through. No, she’s not really belly-dancing, but it’s close enough, and she looks phenomenal. Also stay tuned for her scene in captivity, where she jumps up to escape through the skylight, still wearing her revealing Arabian get-up. Also, she gets mad props for using the word “fortuitous” correctly.

Beautiful song, “If We Only Have Love,” sung by Dede Andros during Olga and Luisi’s tryout, was written by Jacques Brei and recorded only by Johnny Mathis. Don’t skip it.

It really is hard to resist the Angels charm though. Just don’t think to hard here and you’ll wind up having a fairly swell time.
 
Client: Max Brown (Silvers)

Plot difficulty level: 6  (But, as per, pay attention during the info-heavy debrief.)

                         Rating:  *** 


P.S. Oh, and BTW, this is the first episode to feature the new opening, amended to include Kris and explain how she attended the San Francisco police academy (the others went to L.A.). Ladd’s clips are of course all new, and Kate Jackson gets a few new shots, but Smith and Doyle’s remain unchanged.

Charlie’s Angels 2:1 “Angels in Paradise” (Parts I and II)

Airdate: 9/14/77
 

New Angel Kris Munroe (younger sis of Jill, who left for France to try to win Le Mans – but wasn’t Sabrina the racer?) joins the team, but there’s hardly time to celebrate. Charlie’s been kidnapped while on vacation in Hawaii, by a mysterious woman named Leilani Sako, using the act to extort the Angels into helping her get her husband Billy out of jail.

Sun-burned Sabrina turns to Don Ho, playing himself, who informs her that the Sakos control all the gambling and smuggling on the island, and that Billy was set up by some pretty ruthless ruffians. Bosley queries Hollis, the Sako’s lawyer, who gives him the skinny on jail visiting hours, and Kelly turns to a shady massage parlor, run by a madam who seems to know more than she’s letting on. But bikini-clad Kris has the worst luck – her subject, Billy’s schoolteacher sister, gets shot while surfing, before she can provide any info. 

She’s okay – whew! -  but the thugs won’t stop, even attempting to put a slug in Kelly at the beach. Head thug Ace (a James Woods sound-alike) turns out to work for a Mr. Blue, a Chicago-based Sako rival, who demands to have Charlie. This puts a crimp in the Angels-agreement, particularly after the trio made good on their promise to spring Billy from the slammer. They drive a hard bargain with Leilani, but wind up confronting the Blue man himself, who confirms his possession of their beloved boss. Are they too late, though? A coroner has just left a message for the Angels that dead body washed ashore with the ID of Charlie Townsend. Du-duduuuuuum!

Nope, false alarm – some drunk named Harold who

stole Charlie’s wallet and fell off the boat. (Whew!) So Kris locates crackpot nudist (Sammy, played by a currently ABC-employed Norman Fell), going nude herself to get the 411 that Charlie’s on Blue’s yacht (really? Couldn’t they have assumed that?). Refusing to trade Sako for Charlie knowing the Hawaiian would be dead in a second, the Angels engage in a search and rescue operation. Sabina runs the distraction – attempting to return Billy for money, neglecting Charles – while the other girls sabotage the ship. The Coast Guard arrives, but Charlie and the girls escape.

Angels had earned enough Nielsen’s clout to have a grand, gala two-hour second season premiere, shot on location in Hawaii. No opening titles yet (not enough available clips), it sort of played as a second pilot – with one big exception: skin galore. Yes, by now Angels had earned a rep for jiggle-TV, so the producers must have decided they needed to live up to it, particularly in Part II, when we get extended gratuitous close-ups of belly dancing and an entire third act featuring Kris and Kelly in string bikinis. Never mind that the dénouement leaves more plot holes than a double helping of a Swiss cheese sandwich.

Did this need to be double-stuffed? No, but back then you whupped it up for the second year to prove you were in business (The Incredible Hulk did the same thing a year later, also taking Hawaii as its setting). The story is a bit stupid when you really look at it, despite a brief scene early in Part II of Billy explaining his life in crime, trying to make sense of it all. But I have the sense they wanted a more lighthearted entry to commence their sophomore year, what with a new girl in town and all. And given that purpose, the tone neatly squeaks by. It is, after all, a lot of fun to see the girls havin’ fun in the tropics, both as characters and actresses.

And how ‘bout new Angel Kris? Well, she displays her body in bikini quite admirably (something Farrah never did), and jumps right in to the mystery-solving line reading with equal proficiency. Clearly she has to grow into the role (I can’t believe I just said that), and she will, faring just as well as other 70’s blonde replacements like Priscilla Barnes (Three’s Company) and Diane Ladd (Alice). Perhaps even better, given her continued post-series success, unlike those other two.

Mr. Blue is a fun, ham-handed, James Bondian villain, but don’t trust baddies who use phones with both a cord and antenna!

Client: None – Charlie’s been kidnapped!

Plot difficulty level: 7 (overall easy with pockets of dense information)

Rating:  ***

Charlie’s Angels 1:22 “The Blue Angels”

Airdate: 5/4/77

A police chief enlists the angels to get behind a blown vice squad raid at the Paradise “massage” parlor, in which an in-cahoots cop, Howard Fine, has just murdered its crooked manager, who in turn had murdered a rowdy customer who had beaten a hooker unconscious (don’t be late for this episode). Sabrina goes undercover as a visiting vice cop, assigned to assist a skeptical Klein; Kelly poses as a masseuse, attempting to get the skinny from the lades’ side of things; and Jill and Bosley are set up as managers of their own fake parlor. 

But when Sabrina nearly gets run down in a back alley, all eyes are on the cops, and in particular the leadfoot cadets John Barton and Ted Miller; Kelly “reenlists” at the academy to shadow them. The final straw – the unconscious hooker is on the verge of IDing “Doc,” the cop on the take, and they get the hard evidence they need when he extorts 200 dollars a week from Bosley’s new establishment. The Angels’ cover gets blown (thanks to Sabrina’s ex-hubby), and it all comes down to a showdown at a car junkyard, not ending so fine for Fine.

Season one of the series ends with a meh episode that promises a lot more spice than it delivers, Farrah’s twirly dance in a braless sundress notwithstanding. But of course, it was the 70s still, and standards and practices didn’t loosen up the reins a bit until the 80s, when Miami Vice introduced a more hardcore look at vice crime. But even without delving into the seedy underbelly of its subject matter, this one’s pretty much a snoozer, only generating a bit of suspense at the end when Fine learns of Sabrina’s true purpose and you can see the evil wheels turning inside his head.

It’s a bit of fun to see a pre-Starbuck Dirk Benedict on the show as one of the nefarious police cadets (still not 100% sure why they needed trainees to do their dirty work), and a pre-pre Growing Pains Joanna Kerns gets to show some of her own pains as the hospital-bed bound, roughed-up parlor girl. But the overall best performance comes from steely Ed Lauter as Fine himself, reminding me of a Craig T, Nelson everyman type. We may be seeing more of him in future Angels adventures. 

And, of course, it is with this episode that we bid a fond farewell to Farrah; she left the show as a regular cast member at the end of the first season, offering no actual reason but implying the stress of her separation from husband Lee Majors and the yearning to peruse other projects. As she broke a five-year contract, however, ABC offered her a deal to return to the show in six guest appearances, which she accepted, so Jill Monroe will return, don’t you worry.

Angels finished fifth in the ratings at the end of Season 1, with little or no competition from the other networks. So, according to network logic, ABC moved it ahead an hour, to 9PM, where it competed with some of Norman Lear’s megahits One Day at a Time and The Jerffersons. Would it still do well? Stay tuned, true believers.

But back to the ep: decent enough, but no fireworks.

Client: Captain Rogers (the police chief)

Plot difficulty level: 6 (just somewhat confusing in the beginning)

Rating: **1/2  (and too bad; they were on a roll about two-thirds into the season)

Charlie’s Angels 1:21 “Angels at Sea”

Airdate: 3/23/77
 

Two hapless cruise ship passengers are steamed to death, sullying the reputation of its line’s owner, John Strauss, who hires the Angels to catch the culprit. Problem #1:the killer knows the Angels are on to him even before they board (nice going, girls), sending them threatening notes without even bothering to sign his name. Weird stuff happens right away: the chief engineer gets whacked, Bosley is knocked out and left naked on the deck, and Kelly nearly meets the same fate as those first two from the beginning. When Bosley takes over the ship for the investigation, he sets a trap for the perp, and winds up ensnaring… Frank Gorshin, playing Harry, the quite mad “clairvoyant” lounge act, holding a grudge against Stauss for not supporting his special ability. But wait, didn’t he also set three bombs on the ship, ready to go off unless the Angels can diffuse them? Hmmm.

Nice change of scenery for the series, closing out its first season, starts out as interesting whodunit, sort of an Orient Express on the Pacific. But then, roughly after the halfway mark, they catch the guy, and it becomes nothing less than a vehicle for Frank Gorshin’s high-energy, impressionistic skills (sort of a Jim Carrey before his time; no wonder both guys played the Riddler). The producers were probably hoping his manic performance style would translate to crazy, but it doesn’t. We’re entertained, and we’re wondering why the Angels are not.

Nice Titanic stock footage

And then, the last quarter is just filler, with the Angels sweating it out to diffuse those bombs, consulting, via telephone, a bomb expert, who kept reminding me of Lloyd Bridges guiding Ted Striker to land in Airplane! It got me thinking: how many of these straight-arrow dramas from the 60s and 70s will never be the same after that groundbreaking satire? Airplane was one of those movies where everyone from that generation immediately got the joke, and roared in union, and relief, that finally someone could skewer a couple decades worth of Baby Boomer mainstays.

Oh, yeah, back to the episode. A mixed bag at best, but probably most noteworthy for inspiring Aaron Spelling's then just-beginning Love Boat (the first episode would air two months later). Incidentally, the Angels will guest star on Boat later on, with most likely a decidedly different tone than the more macabre leanings of this offering.

Client: John Strauss (owner of the ship line)

Plot difficulty level: 4 

Rating: **1/2

Charlie’s Angels 1:20 “I Will Be Remembered”

Airdate: 3/9/77

Former film star Gloria Gibson is shocked to see a man hanging from a tree in her backyard – a replication of a scene from one of her old movies. Is she hallucinating, or is someone trying to freak her out? The Angels take the case, soon discovering her dire economic situation: after her husband’s death, she took some time off, and her agent hasn’t exactly been besieged with offers. But now she’s in the remake of one of her old chestnuts, playing the mother this time, with the Angels undercover on the set. Finally, after an all-too-obvious act of trailer-arson, a failed spotlight drop and a lot of gunplay up in the rafters, our fair heroines discover the truth: the culprits are Gibson’s erstwhile art director, prop master and even… agents, all in cahoots with her deceased husband to smuggle an authentic Botticelli fresco into her estate from Italy. Scaring he out of her wits, and into bankruptcy? Necessary, since her death would put her home into probate; an eviction would make the art-grab nice and simple.

Interesting enough mystery has much going for it – including its beguiling lead character - before sacrificing all its merits to a pretty dumb dénouement. Really? Art smuggling? After a nifty tribute to Sunset Boulevard, All About Eve and all those other great dramas about aging film stars struggling to keep that star shining in a changing Hollywood? The casting of actual elder idol Ida Lupino is inspired in and of itself, and the writers even give her a fantastic scene in which she “auditions” for the producer of a remake she’s considered for, replicating the drama-queen persona for which she’s known. That and a backstage scene in which Jill questions an old-school set designer really echo the silver screen worship which was still felt in mainstream entertainment as late as the 70s.    

Since you asked - a casting director who doubles as an extra

Too bad it all goes South in the end. Even the eleventh-hour villains are a bunch of lightweights. A curio for Lupino fans, or die-hard Angels aficionados (like myself). Others are best steered to rent an old B&W flick to quench their classic movie appetite.

Charlie sightings: The end, munching popcorn, telling the Angels he’ll be at the premiere in a tux (all the men will be in tuxes, get it?).

 

Client: Gloria Gibson

Plot difficulty level: 6 (but very bottom heavy)

Rating: **1/2

Charlie’s Angels 1:19 “Dancing in the Dark”

Airdate: 2/23/77
 

The client: Laura Clusak, widower of a famous baseball player now considered for induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame. But Ms. Clusak is the victim of a professional blackmailer named Alexander Cruz, who set her up in an uncompromising position with a sleazy dance instructor named Tony Bordinay, and hired a P.I. to take pictures of the indiscretion, along with incriminating drugs. It cost her 10 grand to keep the pictures down low and assure her deceased hubby’s legacy, but now the Angels are on the case.

Kelly goes undercover as Cruz’s new PI, while Jill poses as Tony’s new employee, a disco instructor. Sabrina, meanwhile, takes on the role as Sabrina Walker, a rich but shy, insecure heiress looking to try the two-step, and Tony immediately takes the bait. An indiscretion is set up, and Cruz blackmails Sabrina’s “father,” Bosley, for twenty grand. Ah, but the Angels stage a twist: Sabrina informs her blackmailer that Bosley is an imposter, planning to sell the pix to the real Walker Sr.; so the pictures are bought back with interest. Now they take the shots to the real Walker – Charlie himself – but he refutes the woman’s identity as his daughter. Bad news all around for the baddies; their goose is ultimately cooked when they go after Kelly in a bowling alley.
 

Genuinely strange episode has blackmail once again used as the crime of the week, only this time the perps are an erudite Englishman and a talented but sleazy dance instructor, a man so talented I could never really understand why he’d be mixed up in such an odd plot, prone to so much potential error. (With his 70s looks at ‘tude he could easily be an employee at Tony Manero’s Brooklyn dance studio.)

But yet, the Angels, and their actresses, look like they’re having a grand ol’ time playing dress up (especially Sabrna, who gets to don a pair of nutty glasses by playing Mrs. Wilson). Even Charlie himself gets in on the action this time, playing the real Wilson father – look sharp to see the back of his head and mostly obscured face, easily the most we’ve seen of him this season. Plus I do have to admit that the complex scheme they devise to entrap Cruz and Tony is mostly pretty clever, although once again things do have a way of working out a little to easily and cleanly.

Again, modern-era sensitivity to rape makes the scenes where Tony attempts to strip an “unconscious” Sabrina unintentionally troubling (even though he has intentions to go any further). However, the disco references don’t date one bit – we even hear Jill mention the Hustle in the epilogue. Groovy!

I’d say this one benefits from taut, clockwork writing, even if the general concept is sort of loopy.

Charlie sightings: Bosley’s “chauffer”; obscured view of face rejecting photos

Client: Laura Clusak

Plot difficulty level: 6

Rating: **1/2

Charlie’s Angels 1:18 “Terror on Ward One”

Airdate: 2/16/77
 

A would-be rapist is attacking young nurses at a nearby hospital; its administrator hires the Angels to nab the guy, and bring order (and safety) back to his institution. Undercover as nurses, Jill and Kelly investigate possible suspects like the “kissing intern” Quincy and head surgeon Dr. Danworth, while Bosley poses as a patient (he actually does have a toe malady) to get the skinny on his irascible roommate, George Halvorsen.  

Possibilities: rampant amphetamine abuse on the ward, particularly by Danworth, could lead to emotional side effects (e.g. attempted rape), and Quincy’s frustration over his failure to uphold his Don Juan image could be acted out physically (e.g. attempted rape).  But in the end, he Angels discover the true culprits: an orderly and his mother, a nurse, exacting revenge on Danworth for the failed-surgical death of their father/husband. All’s well that ends well., except for Bosley, who gets the wrong surgery when Halvorsem switches meds and ID bracelet with him.
  

Decent enough potboiler with refreshing change of scenery – a hospital – to liven things up. I must confess that I didn’t guess the actual whodunit – there are plenty of red herrings throughout to keep even the most devout Christie fan guessing, including the Halvorsen character, whose byplay with Bosley amount to the funniest, quirkiest dialogue the series has seen yet.

 

But the episode certainly seems a bit dated, owing to a couple of factors. For one, the topic of rape is taken far more seriously now (thankfully); it’s impossible not cringe during one early conversation in which a nurse glibly explains her attempted rape with the line, “Maybe he heard blondes have more fun.” Even the word ‘rape” is thrown around all-too frequently as a shorthand for ‘attack,’ and using it as a topic, without confronting its emotional and psychological ramifications would be deemed nothing less than irresponsible by today’s standards.

And the other thing: it’s pretty hard for us to accept a hospital so loosely run that they wouldn’t notice a pair of strange nurses (Jill and Kelly) come from out of nowhere, or fail to assign them duties or even wonder why they don’t seem to be performing any. And even bigger stretch comes when Halvorsen switches meds and ID bracelet with Bosley, evading the notice of any authority figures or even the nurse who administered them. Either hospitals were not as security-conscious back then (doubtful), or those TV-audiences didn’t care as much (more likely).

Gotta love the Quincy character – the Lothario with cold feet – who has his own private pad on the ward, complete with then-novel microwave oven (well, he does keep people out with a “DANGER: RADIATION” sign).

Good, not great, late-season entry.

Client: Ed Main (hospital adminstrator)

Plot difficulty level: 5

Rating: ***